L.o.V.e*s.T.r.u.c.K

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easliy angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. - The Bible : 1 Corinthians 13:4 -

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

*FARKING PISSED*

Dun think u can bully me just coz im nice and i dun look as if i can flare up..I FARKING CAN FLARE UP OK!! Dun think u can just push me ard just coz u farking earned more den me..I CAN ALWIX FARKING LEAVE OK!! Im so so unhappy working there..FARK MAN!! actually told dem im gonna leave in end may..but i dun think i can stay any longer looking at their FARKING FACES..FARKING FAKERS!!!

"you can always leave tmr.." FINE, den i'll FARKING LEAVE TMR!!! leave everything hanging..SEE ALL OF UR FARKING HEADS SCRAMBLED TOGETHER..

YOU ALL FARKING BITCHES!!

Monday, April 26, 2004

Last week was just bad..nothing to look forward to at all..hope dis week will be much betta..

29 Apr - Mummy will be back from China, gonna leave e office early to pick her up..*YiPppEeeEe* i realie missed her a hell lot =(((, think my dad misses her ever more..he hasnt been laughing heartily since my mummy left..aww..poor daddy..

30 Apr - Clara will be back from Cyprus..bet tt ger is gonna tell us lotsa juicy stories bout her trip..heehee~ cant wait to see her..kinda miss her whiney voice *grinx*

1 May - Its XINXIN's BdaY!! yay!! heehee..tt labour day ger..*lol* we're gonna PaArRrrTtTtyyYyy~~ its like my first party of the year..how pathetic is tt..heehee..i miss dancing with the gers..hmm,dun think i wanna continue,else it'll make me sound even more pathetic den ever..haha..

Hopefully my week will end with a 'bang' (no pun intended, dun think dirty =P) by meeting up with my baby..i miss him =(

Thursday, April 22, 2004

sad sad day..=(((

Mummy left for China dis morn =( took half day leave to sent her to e airport with my daddy..almost cldnt wake up, hehe..coz its been a long long long time since i have to wake up at 5..practically dragged myself outta bed..she's gonna go back to my grandma's village to pay respects to my ancestors..think my mum isnt gonna get used to it..esp e toilet part..=) actually i wanted to go with her..but my mum persuaded me not to go by describing the village life there..its realie quite 'lok kok' haha..den the pple there are like realie damn 'swa ku' kind..they like plasters and medicated oil coz they are very new to it..haha! so my mum bought like boxes for them..haha~ quite funny..my grandma even funnier..she bought dis 'kueh' and placed it in her handbag so she cld bring there to pay respects..i mean e customs officer wont laff uh..haha! When my mum was leaving, my dad gave her a gdbye kiss which i seldom see and i thot it was damn sweet..and tt realie made me cry..i teared when i gave my mummy a gdbye hug..i kept telling myself to be strong and tried forcing back my tears coz i dun want my mum to worry bout me..im a big ger already..

Hmm..my manager was saying tt i must be very happie coz my mum is not ard to nag at me..but in actual fact im damn sad la..not becoz i gotta do all e hsehold chores and take care of my sis, but its jus tt im feeling lost and lonely..my mum has been alwiz there for me and she has nv gone overseas for sucha long period w/o us..i was already feeling zero mood (my new term) haha..nw even worse..HAI =((((((

Life's sucha bore..*yawns*

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Ooh..i changed my template,aint it pretty? wanted to find sumthing bright and sunshiney..but think i cant abandon my pinkish nature..*grinx* but my tag board is irritating me..coz i dunno how to change e font to make it smaller..i need help,anybody? and my stupid song has disappeared..boo hoo hoo =((((( but dun worrie..i'll try me best to revive it..

Newaex..we quarrelled over some trivial matters and it got reallie bad,im super upset nw, but i dun deserve to be pitied becoz i am so unbelievably hard to please..i dunno how are things gonna be, i am so tired..KILL ME ANYBODY?My mood swings are e ultimate man..he's like so good to me already, wad more am i asking for seriously..

Monday, April 19, 2004

i cut my hair!! *beams* actually i kinda like it..coz i makes me look like a doll..dar says i look like a barbie doll who's prettily cute..haha~ however..when i came to e office tdy..most of my colleagues say i look like a dog more den a doll..hRrMMpphh! dis manager even sent me a advertisement for budweiser which features dis dog and e subject of e email was "Your Hairstyle looks like dis.." hai..den xin also keep calling me doggie!! BrRrrRrr...furthermore, e top i wore tdy had a little ribbon thingy at e collar area,den xin tied e ribbon on top of my head which make me look like miss bonnet..sian diao =(((( haha! so nw im called BONNETTY DOG with lizard breasts..i shant explain where did e lizard breasts come from..but ya..XIN IS CALLING ME TT NAME NW!! hahaha..

last but not least, i wanna say...I LOOK LIKE A DOLLY more den DOGGIE!!! haha

Friday, April 16, 2004

i just did a very very evil thing..nw im feeling so so remorseful..hai~~ think i shld learn my lesson and stop talking behind pple's back..argh!! im a sinner..=((( its like so drama..when u see bitchy actresses talking bad bout sumbody in toilet when tt sumbody is actually in one of e cubicles..and i used to comment how bitchy gers can be..and ive became one of e bitchy gers..BOO HOO HOO =~(( nw i dun even dare to look at her in e eye..coz i feel so so guilt-stricken..me and my bictching habit..I SHALL KICK E BAD HABBIT!!! im gonna be e nice ger tt everybody likes..no more back stabbing or wadsoever..think xin is feeling e same way too..*bleahs* we are mean gers..but we dun mean anything..SERIOUSLY..but nw,nothing we say can help..if it was me being back-stabbed..i think i'll feel super terrible too

I dun even have e courage to go up to her and say sorry..doubt she will ever read dis, if she does..im realie sorry..din mean to say hurtful stuff bout u..Sorry.

Argh..i hate myself..=(

Thursday, April 15, 2004

Im so so freaking bored nw..was playing games on my fone..haha~ using some pro prog nw..OmniPage Pro aka OCR,sounds cool eh..it can be used to edit documents which are like million years old and w/o a soft copy..and im doing it for my boss..hai =((( boring work..think i can be called e binder ger too..coz im helping e whole world to bind stuff..i hate it coz i alwiz scratch my nails..argh!!

Newaex,i wanna get a hamster!! but i just can seem to persuade my dad in letting me have one..BRrRrRrr!! maybe coz i had too many bad experiences..but it wasnt my fault..i cant handle pregnant hamsters *grinx* Gonna meet the gers for dinner tonite..but i shant eat much coz im on a diet..stupid sis say im fat!! hmm..guess she did make sense..coz i am quite meaty at my stomach area..*sigh sigh*

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

xin was so funny dis morn..she was late and had to run for e staff bus..e way her head bobbed up and down while running tickled me and my asst manager..being a nice ger,i paused e bus for her..*grinx* she was so breathless,but she carried on talking..bwahhaah!! realie a funny ger..lucky i wasn't late tdy,coz im wearing dis realie long skirt..think its quite pretty but makes me look kinda old..haha!

Oh..im gonna re-perm my hair dis sat and cut my fringe short and layer it, hope it looks nice..think im gonna look like 'cocker'-spaniel e doggie woggie..haha! baby is gonna book out late on sat..which means i can only see him on sun, 18 Apr which is our 13th month anni..wOOhOOo! realie looking forward to it..but i dunno wad to get him..any suggestions anybody????

Monday, April 12, 2004

cheer prac on sat was fun but tiring,think i realie need to buck up on my stamina..haha!halfway thru e dance i found myself huffing and puffing..so lousy *bleahs* but my baby said i danced quite well..*beams* after tt, we went to get hair dye from watsons..bought L'oreal 3D Feria, Frosty Beige..e colour looked realie nice on e model..but it din turn out as e colour i expected on my hair..think my hair is too black..baby spent so much effort helping me dye..was sweating and panting too..haha! so funny..xin said my hair colour is nice, she made me happie..haha!think im quite over my depression already..time heal all wounds i guess..hope work wont be tough tdy..

[no one] : Thanks for ur concern, im realie silly to cry becoz of work, but im fine already..im truly happie when im with eric, so i think loving him forever will be possible..

[passer by] : Heys, i'll link his diary to my blog soon..coz e opendiary had sum kinda probs e other time..so look out for his link *grinx*

Thursday, April 08, 2004

yesterday was a rough day for me..meeting was suppose to be from 11am-1pm, but my boss happily sat in our meeting and proclaimed tt he wld only be SITTING IN and he wasn't gonna talk at all..halfway thru, he interrupted " can i just say sumthing, 10 mins only" and guess wad..he talked for e next 1 hr and 10 mins..SHIOK~~ poor xin was waiting for me to go for lunch la..free one noe~~ hai =(( Den suddenly at 6pm, work came so suddenly and it was SO URGENT!! hai..i cant stand it when they give me last min work which is urgent la..dis means tt i gotta WORK LATE!! which i hate most..hai, felt so so so lonely and i started crying..so many pple saw me cry..freaking paiseh..but nothing seems to matter to me den, coz i was feeling so so so down..=((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( argh!!!!

But lucky my baby is booking out tonite..YAY!! haha..will be going to visit karen at serangoon gardens sushi tei tdy with py,xin and clara i think..xin thinks im gonna show off my skirt..but im not..*chuckles* HAHA! hope tdy is a happie day..

Monday, April 05, 2004

Simply have no mood tdy..no mood to work,no mood to do anything..perhaps its becoz my darling is going in again,dis time with 3 weeks confinement, i hate SISPEC..argh, summore w/o reception..wad e hell!! dat means my baby wont be able to msg or talk to me at all..hai..i feel ugly,i feel fat,i feel stupid,i feel lonely,i feel like shit actually..feel like snapping at anybody i see..haha! but i wont do tt..coz im a nice ger did i ever mentioned tt i love SANDRA BULLOCK,she's so charming!! haha..watched miss congeniality for the third time last nite..still not sick of it..haha, and it made me start to think tt joining a pageant realie requires alot of courage..*swan salutes to all e beauty queens out there*

gotta go do work already..=(

Friday, April 02, 2004

It was first day of the mid-year exams, therefore i finished school a little earlier, i called him,

:Hey, i finished school earlier today, would you come by and pick me up?

:Alright, give me 5 minutes.

:5 minutes? But my school is just beside your house.

:I need to get ready.

:Alright, make it fast then.

2pm in the afternoon, the sun is extremely hot, I stood under a shaded tree and fan myself.
Although it doesn't make much of a difference, it was better that I fanned.
5 minutes have passed, he's still not shown up, I was a lil' unhappy while looking at my watch.
10 minutes and he's still not here....couldn't be that he was met with an accident?
15 minutes passed, he finally shown up.

: Why are you late?

He wasn't even a lil' bothered: Nahz, was watching TV.

:What?! TV?! Why don't you sleep, bathe and eat before you come down then?

I haven't got anything else to say for that, didn't take the helmet he handed me but stood there and stared at him.

:Sorry.

This was the first time he said sorry to me...
He is an egoistical person all along and has never once apologised to a girl.
I looked at him, Alright, took the helmet and let him sent me home.
He is always acting like this, no explanations, no friction, no quarrels.
The only thing he does is to apologise. To me, somethings can't be settled with a sorry.
I would never go on asking after everytime he apologises.
He told me, that was the first time he said sorry to a girl.
Although it take courage to admit mistakes, he never once correct his mistakes.
Saying sorry became a word to shut me up instead.

Tears flowed down my cheek on the 59th time he apologised.

I dropped my head: you don't ever need to say sorry to me again.

If you can never change, then don't let me keep giving you chances again and again hoping and believing that you would change each time.

He held me lightly, and said the 60th sorry.
Even then, he did not change, and there was no explanation whatsoever.
I began to worry if there was something he was keeping from me.

:What's wrong with you these few days?

:Nothing.

:Then why are you acting so strange?

:I am not.

:What can you say other than this answer?

:Do you know I'm very woried, very insecure,

:do you treat me as your girlfriend?

:I'm sorry...

:I don't want to hear you say sorry again.

:I put down the phone and he did not call back.

He doesn't even care about me. Maybe we should....break up.
.......this was the 99th time he said sorry...
From that day onwards, I never once called me or went to look for him.
Sometimes I get an anonymous phonecall
but everytime I said hello, it was dead, i think it's a call from him, but why don't he speak up?
After one month have passed, I couldn't contain the feelings I still have for him anymore and went to his school to find him.
I went outside his classroom and looked around, but there was no sign of him.

:excuse me, is XOXO here today?

:I'm afraid he already stopped schooling.

:Huh? Why? When was that?

:He hasn't been in school for a month already.

:Oh erms...thanks.

One month....not in school for one month...why is that so? I stumbled home.
Called his hp: Sorry the caller is currently unavailable, please leave your message after the tone....
I put down the phone, and called his house next, but there was no answer.
How can it be? The whole family migrated?
It seems as though he has already disappeared from the face on the earth leaving not even a single trace.
I couldn't find him....just as I was feeling distraughted, the phone suddenly sounded, it was my friend.
He was one of his brothers and also my good friend.

:Hey, what have you been doing? XOXO is in hospital.

:REALLY? WHAT HAPPENED?

:Oh he is in ZZ hospital, the one you stayed in last time.

:I'll be right there.

I used the fastest speed my legs could carry and when I reached the hospital I saw that his parents were already there.
I asked them for the room number and flew across the hall.
He was lying on bed, looking at me, not saying a word, not moving a muscle,

:Hey, what happened to you? Why didn't you contact me?

He did not answer, and used the same stare on me again.

:Come on answer me...why don't you speak?

A tear flowed down the side of his eye, and it looked as though he used the greatest amount of strength that he could master to say...

:I'm...sorry...

After that, his eyes went shut.

:Hey, don't fool around alright...why say sorry to me?

:Don't say sorry to me....please wake up....answer me please.

I wept and fell down on the side of his bed, pulling his shirt I cried out..

:Why do you have to apologise? Why don't you give me an explanation instead?

:I won't forgive you, wake up, saying sorry is no use...

:If you don't wake up I'll never ever forgive you in this lifetime, please I beg of you..open your eyes.....

That was the 100th sorry
A group of medical staff, doctors, nurses pulled me away and tried to revive him. I had no strength to stand up...
My mind was a blank.... my eyes could only see a sea of black.
He did not leave this world...I merely lost the chance to touch him anymore.
But he would appear in my dreams sometimes, telling me how he was doing.
He's still accompaning me, still alive, in my heart.
would still laugh at my silliness, and call me his darling....just that...he never apologise to me anymore.

After a month, his mom came to look for me, and gave me a box...inside was
a 100 photographs, everyone had a story behind them..the reasons why he made me angry.
The first time, my dear, I did not purposely arrive late to pick you up.
I know this excuse is really lame, but I didn't have the heart to tell you the truth then,
before I stepped out of the house, I felt a pain in my chest, but I still made it a point to meet you, please forgive me?

The second time, my dear, I...

The third time, my dear, I...

The 100th time, my dear, I didn't mean to leave you alone in this world,
It had to be so because God did not give me the chance to say I Love You for this lifetime of mine, and to put the ring on your finger....
You are the first girl I apologised to.
And also the first girl I want to be with for the rest of my life...
Forgive me for not able to bring you happiness but I have thus become your angel, always looking out for you...
Looking at you while you find your happiness...promise me...don't shed a tear...

I don't want to see you weep like this for me, I Love You ~XOXO

How can I not cry? What you said was just too impossible.

The last photograph was of him in the hospital,
Although he was skinny, the smile on his face was bright as ever.
His face was white and yet he tried his best to give his last smile on the last photo, the 100th.
At the time when he needed me the most, I wasn't with him.

:I'm sorry.

I held the photo tightly and cried for us.....

I just teared when i read dis..its too touching =~~(

* AQUARIUS *

Do not expect or plan a normal, simple and predictable life with an Aquarius partner. Aquarius people are totally unpredictable. They can go to any direction without giving any advance notice. They are basically very restless and get very easily bored. Though they are very friendly but do not expect them to reveal their inner most feelings to you (they will never). They can be very detached and impersonal that you may find very strange. Do not be surprised by this unpredictable quality that may crop up often.

I just read this from my email..i think dis is so true, i may be frenly but its realie hard to reveal my inner most feelings..think i only relate to some pple, ya noe who u pple are. My baby's posting results for his ns will be out tdy..reallie hope he doesn't get to sispec,else i wont be able to msg me darling becoz starhub's sparky the dog doesn't go to tekong (where sispec is) DAMN IRRITATING!!

Think i need a break, meeting deadlines can just kill me..so little time yet so much to do..i dun even noe where to start =( my only consolation is meeting my baby for dinner tonite *grinx*

* i just need some time to get over it *

Thursday, April 01, 2004

Happy April Fool's Day to all the fools out there..HAPPY FOOLING EACH OTHER..haha!

[passer-by] i updated my blog already..yay!! haha